NoFap 30 Days

My Impossible Journey To One Month Mark (Again)


5/16/202310 min read

lion statue
lion statue

Ah, the elusive one month mark in NoFap territory.

It's a treacherous path filled with pitfalls, dopamine cravings, and enough internal struggles to make your head spin faster than a Tasmanian devil.

I had tried so many times to come clean after my relapse 3 years ago. It had all failed. The further I had gone was a week but it bounced back in fury right after.

Loss Of Motivation

man in white dress shirt
man in white dress shirt

After a period of NoFap success, I was feeling on top of the world.

I mean, I had resisted the allure of self-indulgence and reached a level of discipline I never thought possible. I was practically walking around like a superhero without a cape.

But here's the funny thing about rewards: they can be tricky little devils. Once we taste a slice of success, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking, 'Hey, I've already accomplished the big thing. Why bother with the little things?'

And that's exactly what happened to me.

I let my guard down, thinking I could just ride the wave of my previous achievements.

But little did I know, setbacks were lurking around the corner, ready to pounce on my motivation like a mischievous YouTube algorithm.

Oh, YouTube, the land of endless possibilities and seemingly insatiable viewers. I underestimated the Herculean effort required to create quality content that would satisfy their cravings.

Turns out, it's not as simple as hitting the record button and hoping for viral fame.

As my videos are not getting many views, I had to face the harsh reality that creating engaging content is a real challenge and my motivation diminished like a flame in winter.

Reinforced Cycle Of Dependence

Ah, the reinforced cycle of dependence, where dopamine surges and video game quests become the highlight of our existence.

It's like we're stuck in a never-ending loop, convinced that conquering pixelated enemies and pixelated...uh, well, let's just say 'adult content,' is the key to happiness.

You see, addiction has a sneaky way of playing mind games with us. It's like a magician waving his wand and making all common sense disappear. Suddenly, we find ourselves in a battle against our own physiology and psychology, desperately trying to resist the siren call of those quick and intense pleasures.

It's as if our brains are saying, 'Hey, why bother with real-life achievements when we can level up in imaginary worlds or have a virtual relationship with our favorite characters?'

Who needs a promotion or a meaningful connection when we can slay dragons and score virtual touchdowns, right?'

The Emotional Toll of Relapse

Relapse can also take an emotional toll on individuals who have made progress in their recovery.

Feelings of guilt, shame, and disappointment can overwhelm us, leading to a sense of hopelessness and a loss of confidence in our ability to regain control.

These negative emotions can create barriers to seeking help and hinder the recovery process.

I personally experienced a deep sense of disgust on my second relapse. I had initially believed that I could easily return to a one-month abstinence period, but it didn't happen.

I felt weak and shameful for letting down my wife and the people I was writing for on my previous website. I was also disappointed in myself for not being able to quit for the sake of my daughters.

It made me question if my love for them was not strong enough.

Unresolved Underlying Issues

Relapse is often triggered by underlying issues that were not adequately addressed during the initial recovery period.

These issues may include unresolved trauma, co-occurring mental health disorders, social or environmental triggers, or a lack of coping skills.

If we don't give these issues the attention they deserve, it's like trying to build a house on a shaky foundation. Sure, it might hold up for a little while, but sooner or later, it'll come crashing down like a game of Jenga played by a clumsy elephant.

My underlying issue was my extremely low self esteem. I wanted too hard to succeed quickly so I could prove that I wasn’t useless as a man. Which was why when I met with setbacks, I thought it was all vain effort and gave up immediately.

It then spiralled into quick dopamine fixes.

It Gets Harder To Quit

What I discovered is that getting back on track after a successful period of abstinence is even more challenging. Why is that?

a large iceberg floating in the water
a large iceberg floating in the water

Motive Matters: Shifting Focus from External to Intrinsic Motivation

One of the key differences this time around is my motive. I am no longer attempting to quit for external reasons such as my daughters or my wife.

While those are noble considerations, I realized that those extrinsic motivations didn't work for me. Research also states that intrinsic motivation allows us to work at our very best and last longer.

It is not that I don’t love them.

It's just that making drastic personal changes for other people will never work. If it can work, there will be no obese/smoking/alcoholic/drug addict parents in the world.

This time, I will do it for myself.

Finding Clarity and Energy: Channelling The Power

I don't want to engage in PMO because I want to maintain my motivation and energy levels.

Nowadays, I can function well on less than seven hours of sleep and wake up feeling motivated.

The reduced sleep can be attributed to lower oxytocin levels in my body.

Oxytocin, released during ejaculation, can make us tired and content. By maintaining a steady flow of dopamine without the spikes or splurges, I find my motivation is more sustainable.

I have also learned to enjoy the process rather than solely seeking rewards for my actions or behavior.

Another benefit of my NoFap journey is the level of clarity I experience. By avoiding the constant influx of dopamine that PMO brings, I have a clearer mind.

I am calmer, able to reflect on my actions in real time, and feel more creative. Throughout the entire month, I haven't run out of topics to write about, and I can make better connections between ideas.

Quitting PMO has also freed up a significant amount of time.

Previously, PMO would consume nearly two hours of my day during each session, and even when not directly engaging in it, I would spend time edging or reading fanfiction as a form of stimulation.

Now, I can derive enjoyment from reading books that matter to me, such as those related to finance, self-help, and parenting. I also find fulfilment in creating articles like this one.

Previously, I struggled to channel the energy I gained from NoFap into productive activities. I was too focused on the end result and craved instant gratification.

When my YouTube videos failed to meet my expectations, I gave up on both YouTube and my previous website.

I realized that my reasons for starting those ventures were misguided—I was solely driven by the desire for quick success and money.

For example, I chose to build a NoFap website because it had low competition and seemed like a lucrative topic. Similarly, I did a 30-day burpee challenge because I saw others achieving millions of views with such content.

However, this time around, my focus has shifted. I now aim to enjoy the process of creating content and providing value to others, regardless of the reach or outcome.

As long as someone can benefit from what I share, it brings me happiness. I concentrate on continuously improving the quality and value of the content I produce.

Reducing Overwhelm: Balancing Commitments for Long-Term Success

I have also made some adjustments to reduce the overwhelm in my life.

In previous attempts, I took on too many challenging tasks simultaneously.

For instance, I attempted to learn difficult stretches to achieve a split, but the slow progress and pain made me feel discouraged. I also tried to learn the acoustic guitar, which left my fingertips raw and in pain, leading me to give up quickly. I felt inadequate and weak for not being able to persevere.

This time, I've chosen a different approach. Instead of pursuing activities that are too difficult or too easy, I strive to find a balance.

I'm currently learning to play the piano, and the soothing music brings me joy. I started with easy songs like "Peaches (from Super Mario Movie)" and now a more intermediate version of Canon in D.

It's like unlocking the first level of a video game, where victory tastes as delightful as a power-up mushroom.

With this approach, I've discovered the magical recipe for sustained motivation. Each piano note I conquer adds a sprinkle of excitement and a dash of self-belief. It's like mastering a new skill while enjoying the delightful melody of success.

So my friend, let’s find that sweet spot where challenges push us forward without overwhelming us, and accomplishments bring us joy without leaving us feeling like exhausted circus performers.

Go for long walks if running is too hard, try Scratch if you want to build interest in programming, do 5 minutes meditation first if you are starting out or 10 mins beginner yoga daily if you want to be more flexible.

There are many variations. Find one that suits you.

ChatGPT: The AI Sidekick Who Saved My Writing (and My Marriage)

Ah, the delicate dance of independence, where we learn to rely less on others and take charge of our own endeavors.

It's like spreading your wings and soaring into the sky, leaving behind the days of burdening your dear wife with endless articles to vet.

You see, in the past, I found myself heavily dependent on my wife to be the gatekeeper of my website articles. I expected her to endure the marathon of my lengthy and, let's be honest, sometimes dry prose.

I even harbored a hint of resentment when she didn't invest as much effort as I did, conveniently forgetting that my own commitment to this venture had been a bit lackluster for four years. Oops!

That's where ChatGPT comes in as a godsend. With its assistance, I no longer have to wait for my wife to review and improve my articles.

While the content remains my own, ChatGPT helps me express myself better than I ever could. It has enabled me to create content at a rate that would have taken years or even decades to achieve on my own.

Now, I can use that time to keep creating valuable content.

From Challenge to Lifestyle: Embracing NoFap as a Permanent Change

man in white long sleeve shirt standing on brown rock during daytime
man in white long sleeve shirt standing on brown rock during daytime

Previously, I approached quitting porn as a challenge.

I was self-righteous and eager to prove that I was better than others.

I set specific durations for my challenges, starting with 30 days and later extending to 60 days. By the time I reached 60 days, I felt superior to most people and allowed myself some leeway, leading me right back into old habits.

I realized that this mindset was flawed.

Now, I view quitting porn as a permanent lifestyle change.

Although I still track the number of days I've abstained, it's more about personal accountability than a rigid deadline.

I no longer feel excitement or a sense of accomplishment when reaching the 30-day milestone because I desire so much more. I want to live differently and embrace this lifestyle fully.

If you want to quit porn too, I would recommend you to think about your reasons carefully.

Take away all the superficial ones and leave what really matters to you. It’s totally fine if the reason is self-serving. In fact, it will be better if they are. This is a lifelong journey and your purpose will be your fuel.

Additional Failsafe Protocols

In addition to these changes, I've implemented some practical steps to support my NoFap journey.

Keeping Phone Away From Poo

brown wooden doll on white ceramic toilet bowl
brown wooden doll on white ceramic toilet bowl

You see, I've consciously made a choice—a decision that has spared me from the temptations lurking within the confines of the porcelain throne.

I have made a firm commitment not to bring my phone into that sacred space. For, lo and behold, being alone with a smartphone can lead us down a treacherous path into the abyss of darkness.

Instead, I opt for a different approach. Picture me now, staring blankly into the void or engaging in profound contemplation while seated upon the throne. It's a sight to behold, a moment of reflection that transcends the need for digital distractions.

And here's a little nugget of information that might pique your interest: extended periods of time spent on the toilet can actually strain our anus. Yes, you heard that right. Our trusty behind can suffer from the strain of extended seating, and believe me, it's not a sensation anyone wishes to experience.

According to Healthline, our phones can become unwitting hosts to the delightful world of fecal bacteria. Yes, those pesky little organisms can hitch a ride on our devices, making them less than hygienic companions for our digital endeavors.

So for mental liberation, anal-tic health and keeping our face from fecal attachment, let’s embrace the blank stares and relish in the pondering of life's mysteries.

Location Location Location

Another change I made was moving my computer from my room to the living room. In the past, my room was the place where I engaged in PMO activities.

According to James Clear, the author of "Atomic Habits," triggers play a significant role in initiating habits.

These triggers can be internal or external cues that prompt us to engage in specific behaviors.

By staying away from the trigger cue of my room and computer, especially during nighttime, I create a healthier environment for myself.

To Infinity And Beyond

Furthermore, I've consciously reduced my alone time.

In the past, I used to prefer staying at home, as it provided ample opportunity for PMO. More alone time meant more time for indulging in those addictive habits.

However, I've learned that staying engaged with my family and going out with them, regardless of the destination, helps me avoid falling into old patterns.

Alone time can be a breeding ground for temptation, so I make an effort to prioritize spending time with loved ones.


My journey to reach the one-month mark in NoFap has not been without difficulties. I faced regression and struggled with multiple attempts that lasted no longer than a week.

However, I've learned valuable lessons along the way. I now understand why it can be harder to regain a clean state after experiencing previous success.

Factors like lost motivation, a reinforced cycle of dependence, emotional toll, and underlying issues can all contribute to the challenge.

Nevertheless, this time feels different.

Join me on the journey, brothers.

Let’s get back our manhood together.

With love.