NoFap Again

On January 23, 2025, I decided to start NoFap again.

Why?

I had not updated any content for the past 1 year as I had jumped back to fapping. I lost my focus in the midst of doubting myself and distraction. However, this year, I noticed distractions, especially porn and games, had been affecting me adversely.

Irritation

I’ve been walking around like a human version of a malfunctioning alarm clock—easily triggered and annoyingly loud.

My patience? Virtually nonexistent.

I’d get irritated by my kids, random inanimate objects, and even my own shadow. Imagine dropping a spoon and feeling like it’s a personal attack from the universe. That’s been me.

The worst part? I’ve been angry over the tiniest things, like someone leaving a cabinet door open (probably me, by the way) or the girls not going to bed at the time I set. And when you’re that irritable, it’s not just others who bear the brunt—you start blaming yourself too.

As the saying goes: “To feel good, blame others. To become good, blame yourself.”

Well, I’m tired of blaming and ready for some becoming.

Lack of Interest

Lately, I’ve been a master of almost doing stuff.

Start a game? Quit halfway. Cannot cheat? Not interested.

Scroll through fanfiction and Korean manhwa? Nah, not stimulating enough.

Porn? Sure, but even that became a mindless cycle of tab-hopping with no real satisfaction.

In a single hour, I could jump from one thing to another like a caffeinated squirrel—gaming, porn, gaming again—and still end up feeling empty.

I’ve essentially turned into that person at a buffet who loads up their plate but doesn’t actually enjoy a single bite. Nothing excites me anymore.

And trust me, when even things that you enjoyed before lose their charm, you know something’s up. I think I am probably falling into depression due to dopamine overload. It’s time to reset.

Closeness with Wifey

Porn’s sneaky side effect? It makes intimacy feel like a chore.

Instead of seeing sex as a connection with my wife, it’s become a checkbox on my “Husband Duties” list. That’s not just bad; it’s horrible.

The lack of intimacy created an invisible wall between us. We’ve started feeling like roommates or 熟悉的陌生人 who occasionally share bills and parenting responsibilities rather than lovers.

And let’s not forget how porn messes with your partner’s feelings.

My wife began feeling unwanted, leading to resentment. Nothing says “romantic” like making your spouse feel like they’re playing second fiddle to a bunch of pixels on a screen.

Saving Time

Here’s the brutal math: every time I surfed porn, I’d lose about two hours.

TWO HOURS.

That’s enough time to cook a gourmet meal, learn a new skill, or binge-watch an entire mini-series. Instead, I’d spend it opening endless tabs, hunting for the "perfect" thing, only to end up in the same dissatisfied state.

Time is the one resource you can’t get back, and I’ve been squandering it like a billionaire with a credit card and no budget.

Successful people don’t owe their achievements to marathon porn sessions, do they? Pretty sure that’s not in any motivational speaker’s TED Talk.

Distraction

Porn’s not just a time-sucker; it’s a Grade-A distraction.

It’s the perfect way to avoid thinking about anything meaningful—like how I’m underperforming in life, what I should be doing with my time, or how to tackle real issues. Why confront problems when you can drown them out with a stream of dopamine hits, right?

But that’s just it: distractions don’t solve anything.

They’re like putting a Band-Aid on a sinking ship. I need to throw out these distractions and start actually doing something productive. Maybe build the metaphorical ship instead of patching it with temporary fixes.

Starting NoFap isn’t about some grand, shiny, overnight transformation. It’s about getting out of this cycle of irritation, disinterest, and disconnection. It’s about showing up for my kids, rebuilding intimacy with my wife, and reclaiming my time and focus.

Most importantly, it’s about proving to myself that I’m capable of change—even if it’s one awkward, clumsy step at a time.

Let’s see where this road leads.